Fear

Hello from my heart to yours.....

 

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."                                                      
                                                                                          ~ Ambrose Redmoon

I don't always speak my mind... I am sure you all find that hard to believe, but it's true... I am an avoider.. I fear the other person's reaction and do not want any type of confrontation... and so I bottle things up, accept them as they are and simply deal with it somehow.. of course, we all know what happens when the bottle is shaken too much... a gaseous explosion.. a volcanic eruption...  fortunately, it takes a long time for me to reach that point...and unfortunately, too, because when I reach that point, I've been known to simply "walk away".. when I'm done, I'm just done and don't look back much because I want peace in my life.. might be a little selfish of me, I suppose ... but I know I do it and I have been trying not to .. it's wrong and unfair of me... and it certainly hasn't always gone well for me not to express my thoughts and feelings.. but then again, it certainly doesn't always go well when I do... especially when I know that I have made another person upset, it weighs so heavy on my heart... 

The above quote gives me a little bit of comfort though... I think we are born hungry for love and fearless of anything else...  Love is our nature while fear is taught... it's a learned behavior.. maybe as a child I did speak up, and then maybe my opinions and beliefs were shot down and dismissed so often that I became fearful to speak... and maybe my courage has been to remain peaceful by not voicing my thoughts... I don't know.... I've been to therapy and I could definitely use more of it... I don't practice what I preach all the time and that kind of bothers me... I write these blessings to remind myself to practice what I believe in my heart to be true, but it sure is hard to practice it everyday... so, I'd like to say I'm learning how to face my fears with courage.. knowing that whatever the outcome, I am willing to extract from it whatever lesson it brings.. then, I can, not only conquer it, but I will have taken a giant step toward love... the simple LOVE that I want to have... 

The good thing is that, with every conquered fear, comes a lesson... an opportunity to return to my true nature... whatever that may be... it's almost like acknowledging that love is waiting on the other side.... and so I try to communicate better.. especially with the ones I love and all I can do is hope that it goes well....

I'm not sure where I was going with all this... seems like a confession of sorts... maybe an apology of sorts, too... regardless, though I may not "speak" my feelings verbally, I am able to write them... surely because I can't see the reaction of the person reading it...and as I write THAT, I realize that that isn't very courageous of me at all...hmmmm.... but I get the message loud and clear when someone replies and says.."Delete my email address" ...  

Anyway, may you face every fear with your arms open wide to the love it is shielding... and may you always be aware that you are loved beyond measure and a cherished blessing to me and the world....

May your day be filled with all things good,

With love,

Elena